back to the original plan.

back when i started my blog a couple years ago i originally called it, my lively mind, as some of you may remember, because my mind was flooded with way too many thoughts, emotions, and nonsense.  like most bloggers, it was a place i would use for an outlet for all of those things consuming my brain, but rarely did i use it to express those personal feelings.  instead it became a place to document recipes, beauty and hair obsessions, and other lifestyle stuff, which is fine, but not really what i had intended.

i think i'm going to change things up a bit on the ol blog.  i want to use it as way to vent and get those things off my chest when i have something bothering me, need advice, or a thought on my mind.  there are a couple things in mind already, but it's finding time between work and everything else that is going on.  excuses, excuses, i know.

therefore i am holding myself accountable because i have really been slacking on my blog over the last few months and have missed it.  it makes me feel better mentally when i keep up with it and also knowing that people miss the posts and pictures that are published.

happy tuesday and happy week.

peace • patience

yesterday was a pretty good day.  really all weekend was, even if i did have to work 13 hours on saturday.

i was able to spend a couple hours laying by the pool, my skin tingling from the sun's heat, new music flowing into my ears, and lots of time to think.  what's new though, my mind is a constant obsessing/worrying machine, but i was surprisingly at ease in these moments.

peace and patience are two things i really thought about, for a long time.  lots of you know that my body has been having ridiculous issues {mentally & physically} for the last few months and it's really, really getting to me.  i don't have a lot of patience to begin with, so when something like this lingers on, surgery did not solve any issues, and things continues to be a burden, well, i am losing patience with my body.  frustrations and anger grow each day.

on the other hand, i feel like maybe all of this is a test.  a test to see how patient i can be and to help me grow better as a person.  sometimes i feel my lack of patience makes me impulsive, bitter, immature, and hateful, and i need to stop this.

i am the kind that knows everything happens for a reason.  i don't believe in luck, i believe in signs, there are no coincidences, and things are already planned for me.  i will find peace with myself and other things through these struggles i am facing.  i hope to see the world and my life in a softer, clearer, and happier way soon, or when i do find peace with everything.  when this will be, i'm not sure, but i know it will happen.  it has to.

happy and at peace is where i really want to be.  in fact, besides my health, those are the things i want most in life.