just go.

something that makes me happier than anything on earth.  traveling.

i have two trips coming up in june that i could not be more happy about.  i think it's becoming an annual trip to visit my cousin in florida, which is fine by me.  i'll spend time with her and then we have a concert planned to see tritonal.  we are about the only two people that we both know that are obsessed with edm, so it's just going to be us.

then i'm also going to a family reunion in vegas with my dad and sister.  seriously, who has a reunion in vegas.  we do.  can't wait.  part reunion, part party.

i'm off today.  drinking coffee, listening to tritonal, clmd, and whatever other edm pops up.  probably paint a few things and who knows what else.  that's the beauty of a day off (:

via

sorry to my readers.

i do apologize for my lack of posts lately. 

Instagram has been taking over my social media life lately.  i seem to go there when i want to post something, anything.  this isn't a 'come follow me' post or anything like at all, i am just saying that i haven't forgotten about my old blog and i really, really want to be back here soon.

i have found that with my absence, i have almost forgotten how to write.  when i was thinking of something to post, i could hardly come up with a beginning sentence.  i still don't even know what to say.

it also doesn't help that my hard drive still isn't fixed, therefore i have no motivation to take pictures, it won't quit snowing, and i long for days like the one below where the weather is warm and we can be carefree.  i am just a happier person when the weather is nice, as are most people.

so basically, sorry that i haven't been around.  don't go away or forget about the dream tree, ok?  there will be good things again.  life, food, makeup, and whatever else there used to be, i promise (:

what my patients taught me this week.

i love being a nurse for a lot of reasons, but just the stories they tell me and the things i see amaze me.  someday i am going to forget, so i decided i am going to document some of what i hear and see.  it all varies from serious, ornery, sick, and funny.  no day is ever the same, obviously.

my patients make me feel good when they tell me that i am an angel or i am the reason they made it through the day, but i also have the most thankless job when i am screamed at, used like a drug dealer, maid, and whatever else you might think of.  no matter what, it is a pretty cool job and i really like most of the people i take care of.  so, here are just a couple things i noticed the last couple of days.  who knows what i may see and hear tomorrow!

1)  turpentine and castor oil will take away aches and pains if you mix 3:1 parts and rub it on the part that is bothering you.  it doesn't smell good at all, but it will make you feel better.

2)  god is what makes a marriage stay strong and keeps it together.  without him, it will not last.

3)  heroin makes you feel like you are snuggling on the couch with your boyfriend for 7 hours and makes you feel warm, fuzzy, and totally relaxed.

4)  do what makes you happy like jumping out of airplanes, shooting guns, and drinking beer, when you're eighty-five!

5)  a person can live for a week sitting in exactly the same spot, oh say a recliner, if one has a stocked cooler next to them- that's all that person needs.  may not be pleasant after that one week (if you know what i mean) but it can be done, and one will survive. 

6)  a man's scrotum can really get to be the size of a small cantaloupe! 

five great things from this passing year. . .

so today is the last day of the year.  three hundred and sixty-five days since we last had a new year.  that seems like a long time ago, but then again it seems as though it has flown by, right?! 

time is literally going by so fast that it makes me panic.  this year was a decent year for me.  health wise it was good for myself and family so i cannot complain in that aspect, but for me mentally it was pretty rough.  i am hoping this next year is much better.  people who are very healthy mentally do not realize how mental health affects overall wellbeing and life of someone who struggles.  because i had a lot going on with my emotions and thoughts, it affected every.single.freaking.day.of.spring.summer.fall.and.winter.  whew.

i definitely had awesome days, but there were also lots of other awful days thrown in there that probably affected my family as well.  life isn't easy and i know we all have our issues, but i am one that handles my negativity differently that lot unfortunately.  thank god for medication, but i also need to learn some coping mechanisms and new skills in a few areas.

although i mentioned how dreary the year was, i thought of five great things that did happen.  sure there are many more, but these happened to just pop into my head first!


1 - getaway to jamaica and florida.
2 - parents moving to a new house.
3 - getting a new car.
4 - finding new creative outlets.
5 - chopping off my hair & getting a new tattoo.

enjoy today and be safe if you go out tonite.  remember not to drink and drive (: 

this post has no pics because . . .

my external hard drive crashed.

i am literally sick to my stomach.  i stayed at my sister's last nite and brought my hard drive and computer with me so i could edit and complete my cousin's senior pics.  i was working at the table when dutch walked by and pulled the cords making everything crash onto the tiled floor.  ugh, what a terrible sound.

so yeah.  my whole life is on that drive.  itunes, every single picture i have taken with my dslr. senior pics, wedding pics, vacations, life. everything for my blog, too.

hopefully something can be done about it. until then, i have to revert back to the old ways i guess of saving things, which i can't remember how, haha!

back to the sick to my stomach feeling . . .

memory lane.

last summer i moved away from home (a whopping 45 minutes) and that was a pretty big deal for my family (right, dad?!).  we are super, super close and most people think we're nuts and probably abnormal for how close we really are, but for unmentionable and mentionable reasons, i just had to get away.  i still see everyone all the time so it's like i am not really even gone, however sometimes it feels like i'm a million miles away. 

i moved to a city that has more than quadruple the people as my hometown, so it's a huge change, although where i live now is where i have spent my whole life shopping, eating, and hanging out, as i was growing up

last week while my parents were on vacation, i went back home and went on a ride with my grandma & grandpa.  a ride consists of getting in their truck, driving through mcdonald's to get coffee, and driving through the countryside for an hour looking at wildlife, new happenings, what's going on in the county, and whatnot. 

this particular outing i got really homesick.  i am sure part of it was the fact my parents were gone, but i just missed living so close to my family and everything back home.  below is a list of a few things i jotted down that i missed.  i know there are probably a ton of others, but these came to mind.

i'm sure i'll never move back, but the 30 years i lived there were pretty great.

being around my parents, sisters, and grandparents mostly.

just two minutes from the only grocery store in town.

the local farmers market.

my old walking route.

a hometown pharmacy.

seeing my old house.

knowing my dogs are buried there.

all the old memories.

the special deals you get from people knowing who you are.

five minute drive time to anywhere in town.

our prison looking like a mall.

the twin towers.

just driving around town.

7000 people.

2 stoplights.

seeing people you know, as annoying as it is at the same time.

one love. jamaica.

jamaica.

that's the little island of warmth, sunshine, rasta, and love that i visited a couple of weeks ago and why i've been so absent from the blog world.  i just did not have time to schedule posts before i left and was too busy when i got home.  here is a little snippet of the trip along with some pics.  i know i'll be looking back at these throughout the next several months when we're all stoved up inside this winter. 

at the beginning of september SH, myself, my two sisters, and the boyfriend took a getaway to mobay.  we have been a few times before and since we're all in love with the island, we decided it was a perfect end of summer destination. originally it was for our 5th anniversary, but then it turned into a trip for the sisters and men.

it was simply fabulous.  our resort was excellent.  liquor dispenser in the room along with a fridge that's restocked every other day, all the food one can scarf down, and all the drinks a person can consume make for a pretty sweet getaway, not to mention it was very budget friendly.

the cuture is fascinating, reggae is addicting, and the blue waters are inviting.

each day we basically got up, ate breakfast at the buffet, while drinking delicious blue mountain coffee, and spent the day at the beach soaking up the sun with drinks in our hands.  honestly most of the time it was water because it was so hot, but we had an occasional ocean dream or daquiri (or five) each beach day.

when it rained most afternoons, we headed to our rooms to nap, hang out together, or head to lobby to people watch.  each nite was pretty relaxed and revolved around more food and nitely entertainment.

seven nites just isn't long enough for me.  the resort has lots and lots of europeans and did you know they get at least, at least, 8 weeks of vacation a year.  most of them are at resorts for two to three weeks.  there was definitely a bit of envy and jealousy coming from our group.

it was definitely a much needed vacation that was a trip one has to take to understand.  jamaica is like no other place i have been and i have been ready to head back as soon as i shut the door to our room for the last time.

until next time, ja. . . 

 

 

 

 

'just a dog'

i had seen this poem floating around on facebook for a while and loved what it stood for.  dogs are one of my biggest passions in life - they have been around me my whole life, i can't imagine life without one, and i think they are one of life's greatest blessings.  if you are a dog lover like me, then you know what i'm talking about.  it's ok if you don't, but i have to say you are missing out!

                      ____________________________________________________________________

from time to time people tell me, 'it's just a dog,' or 'that's a lot of money for just a dog.'  they don't understand the distance traveled, time spent, or costs involved for 'just a dog.' some of my proudest moments have come about from 'just a dog.'  many hours have passed with my only company being 'just a dog' and not once have i felt slighted.  some of my saddest moments have been brought about by 'just a dog.'  in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of 'just a dog' provided comfort and purpose to overcome the day.

if you too think it's 'just a dog,' you will probably understand phrases like 'just a friend,' 'just a sunrise,' or 'just a promise.'  'just a dog' brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy, the compassion, and patience that makes me a better person.  because of 'just a dog,' i will rise early, take long walks, and look longingly into the future.

for me and folks like me, it's not 'just a dog.'  it's an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.  'just a dog' brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.  

i hope that someday people can understand that it's not 'just a dog.'  it's the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being 'just a man or a woman.'  

so the next time you hear, 'just a dog,' smile, because they 'just don't understand.'

tie dye love!

one of my new favorite hobbies is making tie dye.  i hadn't done it since i was little and decided to make a couple things one day and here is what was created:

aren't they fabulous?  i love the way they turned out and it was so much fun to do.  i have worn tie dye things since i was about 16 and unfortunately i have seen that it's become pretty mainstream, but i still like it.  i feel that with what it represents and the colors, it is a part of my personality.  in fact, when i went to the beach in june we used an old, super faded and rather vintage sheet and it was so classic. 

i will be taking orders for custom designs in the future so definitely let me know if you would like one.
next on my agenda is a pillowcase, jacket, and something to frame.  groovy!

peace • patience

yesterday was a pretty good day.  really all weekend was, even if i did have to work 13 hours on saturday.

i was able to spend a couple hours laying by the pool, my skin tingling from the sun's heat, new music flowing into my ears, and lots of time to think.  what's new though, my mind is a constant obsessing/worrying machine, but i was surprisingly at ease in these moments.

peace and patience are two things i really thought about, for a long time.  lots of you know that my body has been having ridiculous issues {mentally & physically} for the last few months and it's really, really getting to me.  i don't have a lot of patience to begin with, so when something like this lingers on, surgery did not solve any issues, and things continues to be a burden, well, i am losing patience with my body.  frustrations and anger grow each day.

on the other hand, i feel like maybe all of this is a test.  a test to see how patient i can be and to help me grow better as a person.  sometimes i feel my lack of patience makes me impulsive, bitter, immature, and hateful, and i need to stop this.

i am the kind that knows everything happens for a reason.  i don't believe in luck, i believe in signs, there are no coincidences, and things are already planned for me.  i will find peace with myself and other things through these struggles i am facing.  i hope to see the world and my life in a softer, clearer, and happier way soon, or when i do find peace with everything.  when this will be, i'm not sure, but i know it will happen.  it has to.

happy and at peace is where i really want to be.  in fact, besides my health, those are the things i want most in life.  

divas don't do nose jobs, but . . .

they get their nose pierced, perhaps.

anyone that knows me is aware that i have a very strong love/hate relationship with my nose.  for as long as i can remember my nose has been the least favorite feature of my face, however i have been convinced that it's what makes my beauty. i know that if i got it changed i definitely would not look the same, in fact, i may look less pretty.  you know how that works. like jennifer gray.  i don't think she is pretty at all before her nose job, but i think she's even less pretty afterwards because her nose is what gave her her look.  same with me. 

anyhow, i am happy with my decision to get this piercing.  i love tattoos & piercings, have already had negative comments, but it's my body and i have the right.  as long as it doesn't get infected, i'll be golden (:

disclaimer: i really don't consider myself a diva although my family calls me one and i even have a shot named diva after me. vodka, sprite, and cranberry juice - delish. oh, and i saw this title somewhere once and it has always stuck with me since i have always dreamed of a nose job.

my age has gone up by one.

whew!  i didn't realize that the last couple of weeks had been so busy and that i have hardly posted.  makes me sad because i hate not having time for my sweet blog.  anyhow, since i posted last, i celebrated a birthday on friday.  i can't believe how old i am.  i seriously feel like i'm about 26 or so.

it was a fun birthday.  the nite before i had gone to my cousin's for a wine nite, where i was presented with the most amazing chocolate cupcake.  i slept over at my sister's with my younger cousin.  is it weird that my sis and i sleep in the same bed?  i think not.  it's just such a comforting feeling since we grew up doing it.  anyway, the next morning i got up and had birthday pancakes at my grandma & grandpa's, visited with my parents, and brought my cousin home with me.  she and i shopped and made jewelry until SH got home so we could go eat.

my favorite restaurant in the world {ok, maybe not in the world} is cracker barrel, so that's where i wanted to go.  i could eat there many times a week and live off their blueberry pancakes, macaroni and cheese, fried chicken breast, and chocolate cake.  oh, and the biscuits.  it really was a super fun day.  since i had to work the next morning, it was early to bed for me.  additional celebrating may take place in a few weeks, or so i hope (:

i know it's so cliche to say how life goes so fast, but it really does.  i am two years past thirty, i have been married for five years, out of high school for almost fifteen, and my next big bday is going to be forty.  holy hell!  another birthday celebrated and another age past. although i am a negative worrier, i am also all about living life to the fullest and more so the older i get.  you only have one life to live; might as well enjoy it!

paddleboats & the boathouse.

st. louis has a lot of great things to do, so on our anniversary we decided to eat lunch and hang out at the boathouse in forest park.  it's a beautiful place because it's located right on a lake, has amazing outdoor seating with a nice breeze off the water, gorgeous views, and it's super relaxing.  i also love the fact that it's pet friendly so i love to see the different breeds of dogs and cute water bowls all over the place.

the temperature that day was around 95, but we were able to sit on the patio with an umbrella and luckily the breeze from the water kept us somewhat cool.  we ate well and shared one of my fav desserts - bread pudding.  this one was banana + pecan and was just ok, so i was somewhat disappointed.  the waitress offered us a free sundae but since i'm lactose intolerant and wanted bread pudding i asked if she would switch.  did she?  hell no.  thanks. . . 

although the temps were blazing, i still had my heart set on paddleboats so we did just that after our meal.  it was so relaxing and the trees, wildlife, and scenery were so pretty and neat.  fall would most definitely be the best time for this because it sounds fantastic to be out on the lake seeing the changing of the leaves wearing jeans, boots, and a sweater, with the smell of bonfire in the distance.  i'm not wishing summer away however.

it was a really nice day to enjoy our 5th year as a married couple, do something we haven't done before, and have a fun, relaxing, hot summer day.

if you ever visit st. louis or live here and have never been, it's definitely a must-do thing.  i love it.